NEW YORK — A Manhattan grand jury voted to indict Donald Trump on over 30 charges which forced millions of Americans to google “what does indictment mean?” according to sources at Google headquarters who never saw so much immediate traffic.
“I was on the subway when news of Trump’s indictment broke. Everyone on the train started cheering and saying ‘they got him, they finally got him,’ and ‘lock up the Cheeto,’ it was really funny. I love New York,” said local investment banker Andrew Klein. “Then I realized I don’t actually know what ‘indicted’ means. I looked it up and it’s not really the same as being arrested, but I think he could be arrested if he doesn’t turn himself in. It’s still a little fuzzy to me, but they got him.”
Shelly Brown was in the middle of happy hour with friends when she got the news.
“I screamed, ‘Finally! It happened!… I think!’ My best girl Morgan (Lewendeck) stopped and was asked ‘ok, so what now?’ and then we all say there in silence for the next 25 minutes as we tried to figure it out,” said Brown while listening to another podcast on the topic in hopes of understanding what is happening. “To be totally honest with you, I’m still a little confused. I think the biggest thing I learned is that a lot of the more reputable news outlets are behind paywalls these days. I had to get my info from a lot of sites that advertised tactical gear and dry goods.”
Google’s CEO Sundar Pichai confirmed an 89% increase in traffic for searches that included various misspellings of “indictment.”
“These numbers are unprecedented. The last time we saw this sort of traffic was when people tried to figure out if they should like or dislike Edward Snowden. We are just happy that our platform can assist millions of Americans to double-check they totally understood what was going on while showing them targeted products from their favorite retailers,” said Pichai. “We hope to have a similar bump as soon as Trump is arraigned because I’m honestly not entirely sure what that means either.”
At press time, Trump’s legal team was preparing an animated slideshow to explain to the former President what being indicted means.