NEW ORLEANS — Local man who either looks good for his age or bad for his age Benjamin Button revealed that his political outlook is trending more liberal as he ages in reverse, sources who noticed that he hadn’t used the term “libtards” in quite some time confirmed.
“The younger I get, the more I believe health care should be affordable, and we need to start taxing corporations at a more fair rate,” said Button while subscribing to the New York Times. “I would’ve never guessed it either, considering I came out of the womb as a 100-year-old-man with impenetrable conservative beliefs. But then just last week I found myself instinctively browsing Ruth Bader Ginsburg replica judge collars on Etsy. I guess that means at some point I’ll lose interest in Tucker Carlson in favor of Rachel Maddow, and then eventually get all my political talking points from ‘Sesame Street’ like a child. I hate getting young.”
Those close to Button are noticing gradual shifts in his belief structure.
“When we first started dating we bonded over conservative values like Reaganomics and the right to own military-grade weapons to defend your home against intruding raccoons,” said Button’s wife Daisy Fuller. “But now he’s slowly morphing into a full-blown ‘Bernie Bro’ who believes no one should live in poverty. Gross. What happened to that checked-out curmudgeon I fell in love with who didn’t pretend to give a shit about climate change? Unbelievable.”
Experts who have studied how political beliefs change over time say this is a common phenomenon.
“It’s actually a myth that you get more conservative with age,” said psychologist Terry Montague. “You typically just become more set in your ways, which just so happens to be a conservative trait. You see, culture evolves so quickly that at some point you just stop trying to keep up and start voting for right-wing candidates who strategically claim that the good old days were better. If anything, it’s possible to get more conservative through a steady stream of misinformed memes that use simple straw-man arguments on Facebook. Otherwise, you were probably conservative all along.”
At press time, Button revealed that he would’ve voted for Obama for a third term, despite admittedly not even voting for him the first two times.