Jordan Breeding
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October 10, 2019
MECHANICSVILLE, Va. — Local sous chef Timothy Devino tried to cheer up his potentially depressed girlfriend Jordan Meyer yesterday by…
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UTICA, N.Y. — A local hipster was terrorizing shoppers leaving an area Trader Joe’s grocery store yesterday, asking if they’ve…
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Freelancer
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October 9, 2019
NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. — Termagant Pharmaceuticals product strategy intern Jeremy Hastings impressed colleagues last week by receiving more allegations of…
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Patrick Coyne
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October 9, 2019
Recently, the elitist SJWs of The Hard Times took a moment out of our busy lives of canceling posers to…
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Patrick Crooks
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October 9, 2019
FAIRFAX, Va. — Known procrastinator Dave Lowary has started smoking cigarettes in an apparent attempt to end his life, concerned…
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Brooks Gray
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October 8, 2019
NEW YORK — Democratic Presidential hopeful Andrew Yang defended himself this morning when a small, highly opinionated faction of citizens…
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DANVILLE, Calif. — Local man Owen Nelson was completely convinced last night that the entire world is run by an…
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Bobby Korec
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October 8, 2019
Many people will tell you that the US version of the Office GIFs are better than their UK predecessors. Those…
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Claire Brown
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October 7, 2019
PASADENA, Calif. — Classmates turned and stared expectantly yesterday at high school student and local punk Samuel “The Cat” Chesters…
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Kevin Tit
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October 7, 2019
BETHESDA, Md. — A grande-sized pumpkin spice latte for Karen called the police moments ago on a black cold brew…
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