Meg Scanlon
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I don’t want to brag, but I have figured out the secret to life. I know how to keep it…
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Dianne Nora
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CINCINNATI — Your Mom is wondering if you'll be home for her annual 4th of July barbecue, or if you'll…
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Khadija Hassan
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SEATTLE — Neighborhood watch app Nextdoor crashed early this afternoon after users self-snitched on their own Fourth of July barbeque…
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Ryan Danley
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CENTRALIA, Wash. — Local patriot Rick Staler is concerned that the size of the flags mounted in the bed of…
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James Knapp
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SANDUSKY, Ohio — Local punk Curtis “Copkiller” Richards reportedly ceased his habit of constant slander against the United States while…
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LOS ANGELES — MasterClass released a five-hour course on circumventing manslaughter charges taught by legendary filmmaker, and director of “The…
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Ryan Danley
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PITTSBURGH — Local punk Sam Allister’s life built entirely on doing things out of spite for the extreme bitterness of…
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Nathan Kamal
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HARRISONBURG, Va. — Lifelong fan of outlaw country music Chris Harper is also a fervent supporter of law enforcement in…
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Alec Stein
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SCHAUMBURG, Ill. — Self-proclaimed author of the next great American novel Frank Trotsky recently came to the terrible realization that…
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Freelancer
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HEAVEN — Local benevolent being, God, ended the life of former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld today as a formal…
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