Well if it isn’t the new guy! Just so we’re clear from the get go, we do things a little differently around here. This isn’t like the rinky-dink warehouses you’re probably used to, we’re moving hundreds of millions of dollars of inventory in this place all day every day. And if you’re going to be here, I need to know that I can trust you know what you’re doing?
Huh, so you’re forklift certified then? Sure thing kid, I just need you to verify that by naming three OSHA violations you’ve blatantly violated on a daily basis in order to get things done a few seconds faster.
I want to make it perfectly clear that just because you passed a safety course doesn’t mean you know how to operate heavy machinery like it’s your last day on Earth. There’s a huge difference between using a forklift as intended by the manufacturer and exceeding max load capacity because you don’t want to make an extra trip to the loading dock. If you can’t see that, you’re not gonna last a week here.
If you’re here to make safety your number one priority, do yourself a favor and put in your two weeks notice. Look around, do you really think our bosses had the budget to invest in bulk racking that’ll withstand being slightly clipped by a forklift? The company went with the lowest bid contractors and the structural integrity is just a notch above a shitty Erector set, so you may as well drive around like it’s your last day on Earth and have some fun power drifting around corners. Live a little, will ya?
If you want to see what a real certified forklift operator look no further than Dave over here. He’s operating on just three Red Bulls after spending all night at the bar and two hours of sleep. He may as well be driving drunk with the amount of times he’s nodded off cruising down the aisles carrying two tons of industrial grade chemicals. But that’s how you gotta roll when you’ve got three kids and an alimony payment.
If you want run with the big dogs, go ahead and prove to me that you’ve watched clips of old football highlights while clicking through the annual OSHA refresher course. Then maybe we’ll let you join the after-hours forklift jousting club.
But in the meantime, you could at least take that helmet off. You look like an idiot.