Remember The Spongmonkeys? Sure you do, they were those two fucked up-looking hamster things that convinced the world that toasting a sandwich was enough to make fast-sub chain Quiznos palatable and profitable, for a few years at least. And as with all deformed sloppy food mascots, the Spongmonkeys have had an insurmountable influence on the folk-punk scene. We decided to sit down with these abominations to figure out just, like, what the fuck is up with them?
The Hard Times: So a lot of people seem to think you two have had a huge influence on the folk-punk scene. But fuck talking about that – what the hell are you guys?
Hamster Wearing Pirate Hat: What do you mean? We’re an advertisement used to sell toasted subs made by an animator that got pushed over the edge.
HT: Makes sense. So you guys probably hate corporations and the government then, right?
Hamster That Can “Sing”: Nope. We just really love sandwiches.
HT: Really?
Hamster Wearing Pirate Hat: Sure. Listen to this song we wrote but never got a chance to use in the commercials.
Hamster That Can “Sing”: 🎶Ohhhhh… we love sandwiches, and doing heroin…🎶
HT: You know what? We got the jist of it. So you guys have been pretty influential on the folk-punk scene.
Hamster Wearing Pirate Hat: Oh we don’t really know nothing about that. We just know that Quiznos has a pepper bar!
Hamster That Can “Sing”: 🎶They got a pepper bar! My friends hate that I do heroin!🎶
HT: We gotta be honest, you guys aren’t exactly what we were expecting.
Hamster Wearing Pirate Hat: What exactly were you expecting after watching those commercials? Jesus, what in the fuck could anyone possibly be expecting after watching those commercials?
HT: Fair point. Until recently we believed you to just be a fever dream or acid flashback.
Hamster That Can “Sing”: Precisely. That’s why our main demographics have always been folk punks and people suffering from Quiznos-induced diarrhea.
HT: Neat! So what’s next for you two considering that Quiznos has been out of business for more than a decade?
Hamster Wearing Pirate Hat: We’re gonna sue the fuck out of those guys for royalties! We just look crazy, but we ain’t crazy enough to give up that cash!