If there’s one thing that drives me crazy it’s when I see other adults break out the tired “kids these days” complaint for being lazy and sitting inside all day, as if we weren’t the ones who stuck iPads in front of them since they left the womb. Remember back in the day when we had places like Discovery Zone to get all of that pent-up child energy out until we were too exhausted to be little assholes to our parents?
If you’re looking to give your kids that same experience, come on down to Ben’s Wacky World! For only $10 a head, I’ll let your children fuck around in an abandoned warehouse I’ve outfitted for hours of wholesome fun.
Seriously, we’ve got something for everyone. If you loved those kickass tire forts from your elementary school playground, then you’ll love our maze of broken shipping pallets and damaged industrial waste barrels. Fan of tubes, tunnels, and slides? Then check out the freshly greased-up air duct system, which we can guarantee is 80% free of brown recluse spiders.
Don’t believe me? Ask anyone who’s visited “Abandoned Refrigerator Land” and they’ll tell you how much fun these youths are having and how much parents are saving thanks to there being literally no overhead to run this place. Everyone is having so much fun, we still can’t find some of the kids hiding in these old Frigidaires for weeks.
See the problem is kids lack immersion, so rather than have your kids watch other people have fun on Twitch and Youtube they can come on down to BWW and be transported to a place where they are truly free to do whatever they want, so long as they are up to date on their tetanus shots. It was either this or turn the place into an underground fight club venue so you’re welcome, parents.
Our facility is conveniently located in the same industrial park as the 3M superfund site, across the street from the Wendy’s where the mayor was caught with that sex worker in the bathroom. And if you’re in a hurry, take advantage of the express drop off garbage chute! Don’t worry, we added extra asbestos to soften the landing after last month’s incident.
So come on down to Ben’s Wacky World today, where first time visitors can get a complimentary handful of rusty nails!