Sick Formulas Fatal to the Flesh shirt, bro. You’re a Morbid Angel fan? Prove it by naming three ancient Sumerian gods. I’ll wait.
Yeah, that’s what I fucking thought.
The absolute nerve you displayed stepping out of the house like that. Did you think you wouldn’t be found out? So it’s suddenly OK to wear a Morbid Angel shirt while not even being able to name a single Anunnaki? You probably don’t even know that they’re the offspring of Ki and An, you uncultured swine. Educate yourself, for Christ’s sake.
“Oh, I just love the music.” Are you fucking kidding me? Sure, Pete Sandoval’s technical prowess on Chambers of Dis is a mindblowing display of precision contrasted with Trey Azagthoth’s chaotic fretwork, but the gods of the Pantheon created order FROM chaos. If you weren’t such a fucking simp you’d know that we are tasked to work alongside them in ensuring chaos doesn’t return. Did that even cross your mind when you put that shirt on, or did you just think “Oooh, pretty colors, want wear now” like the mindless oaf that you are?
“Anunnaki, Judges of Ur, remember. Anunnaki, Weighers of the Truth, be praised” is what Steve Tucker growls in the first track of the album whose artwork you’re ignorantly displaying right now. Did you know that Ur was an ancient city patroned by the moon god Nanna? Of course you didn’t, and had you been a resident of Ur, Nanna would have smote you like the insignificant little particle of fatuity that you are. You make me sick.
What’s that? You own the limited-edition slim pack Domination vinyl? Well, bully for you! What would be more impressive is if you had a copy of the Eridu Genesis, which every true Morbid Angel fan knows contains the tale of Enki instructing Ziusudra to build a boat for the Great Flood, something which might ring a bell in your feeble little Western mind. Ugh, even having a PDF of it on your desktop would’ve sufficed. But let’s all gather around and applaud you on the shirt which you donned with all the thoughtfulness of a fucking amoeba.
I’d love to stick around and berate you some more, but I see someone wearing a Bolt Thrower shirt and I definitely don’t recognize this plebe from any of my Warhammer 40K meetups.