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If Every One Of Our Instagram Followers Gave A Mere $74,666, We Can Give Elon Musk His Bonus

Mr. Rogers used to say in times of crisis, look for the helpers. With respect Fred, we say go a step further. We say be the helpers.

As you, our dear readers, are surely aware, Elon Musk, one of the world’s richest and therefore most undeniably cool people, is facing a seemingly insurmountable problem. He would like a humble bonus of 56 billion dollars, the largest paid to a CEO in American history, on the grounds that he would like to have that. It seems more than fair and very straightforward, but he’s being met with an unbelievable amount of red tape.

When a Delaware judge ruled against Musk receiving his (barely) historically high payout, he did what any of us would do. He reincorporated his company in Texas out of spite and self-interest ignoring any negative effects that would have on the company. He even ordered 10% layoffs to make sure his little 56 billion dollar thank you wouldn’t be a bother!

Even after going to all that trouble, an evil proxy firm is now advising shareholders to block the bonus. Talk about cruelty! Has Elon been a perfect boss? Of course not, nobody is perfect. But you try building a $100,00 terrible-looking car and see if you can get the accelerator to stop sticking, it’s a lot harder than you think!

Think of everything Elon Musk has done for you, everything he’s accomplished. He took a hole-in-the-wall platform like Twitter and turned it into X, the coolest letter there is. He did this so successfully that now when people mention that platform conversationally or in print they say “X, formerly Twitter.”

More importantly than that he shows us every day that you don’t need to be informed, intelligent, or even remotely logical to take a stand against the wokes.

Now is not the time to be selfish or miserly. Now is the time to give. Ask yourself “Do I really need takeout and rent for the rest of my life? Does my kid really need braces? Do I really need this kid? How much money can I get for selling my kid and how do I get that money to Elon Musk as fast as humanly possible?”

Sure, each of us individually is a virtually worthless insignificant $74,666, but together we are strong. We’re as strong as a CEO’s bonus. Together, in one voice, in one fantastic push forward we can give everything we have so that Elon Musk can say “Cool, I have this now, throw it on the pile.” He might even shoot another car into space because that’s the kind of selfless giver he is.