It can take years of blood, sweat, and tears before a small business owner can start turning a profit. That’s why I came up with a few easy money hacks that can help anyone in the same boat trying to make their first million.
First, ditch the over-priced daily lattes. It’s a cliche, but trust me it works. You can save a ton of cash simply by bringing your own java to work. If that’s too much hassle, you can do what I do and strongly suggest to one of your more easily manipulated employees that buying a coffee for their boss is a great career move. Use your position of authority to your advantage. How do you think Mark Cuban got to where he is today?
Another great way to earn your first mill is to lean into unpaid overtime. Everyone knows the average worker spends most of their day dicking around, so making them work a few extra hours each day is a no brainer. They might complain about it behind your back, but to your face they’ll respect you, mainly because you know they need the job to pay for their kid’s expensive ear surgery. I’m looking at you Keith.
Driving around in a fancy new car can make you feel like a straight-up gangster, but the high cost of upkeep will make you want to blow your friggin’ brains out. Instead, it’ll be much more cost-effective to take an Uber for the few days you actually decide to show up to the office when you’re not golfing, especially with the money you save after you pull your staff’s dental benefits. There’s already fluoride in the tap water, and that’s totally free.
It’s important to be diligent and always look out for the bottom line. Eat in as often as you can, and when you get too lazy to bring in a lunch, just root through the office fridge and take whatever the hell you want because you’re da boss. The environment of fear that you’ve created will ensure nobody says a damn thing about it. Capish?
In the end, smart money hacks will save you more money than you’ll ever realize. And slashing your staff’s pension will do wonders for your kids’ future inheritance. Also, buy in bulk. No business owner worth their salt doesn’t have a Costco membership. That’s just Business 101.