Like any aspiring anarchist, I want to do what I can to burn this entire rotten system to the ground and bring in a new age of self-governance without the interference of an oppressive capitalist state. Naturally, the best way to bring this reality about is by burning down my local Tesla dealership. One big problem though is that the damn cars keep exploding on their own before I have a single opportunity to get the whole thing going.
It’s been 11 times now that I’ve staked out a target, grabbed my Molotovs, and make my way over to the Tesla dealership. But wouldn’t you know it, every single time I try to go to one of these places, I’m greeted by the smouldering remains of what used to be a Tesla Dealership, which itself was located in what used to be a black community before being demolished to make a Tesla dealership. I had to keep checking in on my fellow anarchist groups to see if someone else got to it first. This is, of course, somewhat difficult to do because we only use carrier pigeons and old secret hobo code signs to communicate. But they all told me the same thing, it was like that when we got there.
Seriously, all of these Tesla explosions have me wondering if I should’ve just gone and become an engineer like my dad wanted. That way, I could’ve worked my way into all sorts of corporate settings in which I could then design inferior products that cause major damage to large corporations. Maybe the real lesson here is that I need to learn to play the long game, and one dealership fire only lasts a night.
All I know is that if Elon’s approach to government is anything like his approach to building cars then the system will collapse on its own. I’ll make sure to roast some CyberMarshmallows while that happens. Those are just regular marshmallows but cooked over the flames of a cyber truck. Given Elon’s love of stupid ideas and reframing failures as total wins, don’t be surprised if that’s what they release next.