PITTSBURGH – Local man Jack “JJ” Jenkins was shocked to find out the “new” album from his favorite band Deer Stalker just turned 10 years old, which he admitted to still not listening to yet, confirmed unsurprised sources.
“Time just moves faster when you’re an adult. I swear I blinked and an entire decade has gone by and I really have nothing to show for it,” said Jenkins, while patching a hole in a faded OBEY hoodie. “It doesn’t really seem like it’s been that long. I mean, I bought their first album after I saw them open for Flypaper Envelope at Smalls and that was only back in 2003. Now that I say it out loud, I guess that was twenty years ago… Wow. I’ve been working as a part-time door guy at a bar that serves pickled eggs and two-dollar pitchers that whole time. Am I going to die there? This actually hurts to think about.”
Jordy Piatik, a founding member of Deer Stalker, claims that many of their biggest fans seem to ignore anything released after 2008.
“We’re super stoked about the reissue of ‘A Picture of All Your Friends Crashing in a Plane,’” said Piatik. “It wasn’t our best seller, but it’s one we’re very proud of. A lot of people don’t know this, but we’ve actually released four albums and three EPs since after the first Obama term. Bret and I also started a synth band called Deer Witch, and we put out another two albums with that project as well. All told, we’ve put out more records since people stopped paying attention to us than many bands do in their whole career. I’m not bitter or anything, I just think it’s weird when our audiences go batshit for our old songs and fake mumble through anything we did after 2010.”
Record Store Day co-founder and vinyl enthusiast Deirdre O’hare helped usher in the era of deluxe reissues of albums no one thought were that important.
“I love bringing forgotten gems back to life,” said O’Hare. “But more than that, I love making aging hipsters become aware of their creeping mortality. Nothing scares the shit out of you more than when that sell-out record of your favorite band gets the double-digit anniversary treatment. I’m talking double gatefold, essay liner notes written by Chuck Klosterman, and a big shiny sticker on the plastic that says ‘Ten years of your life have slipped away.’ It really spooks them, and I live for it. Next year I’m going to include intake forms for prostate exams with any reissue of an album from the aughts.”
Also scheduled for release next month is the twentieth-anniversary edition of the Wes Anderson movie you thought was lame but never watched.