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Bikini Model Has No Idea Why She Can’t Make Friends With Strangers on Facebook

DORAL, Fla. — Professional swimwear model and University of Miami co-ed Sarah Nguyen has sadly found her countless attempts at friend-requesting new and interesting people across all social media platforms nearly impossible, for reasons she admitted she cannot comprehend.

“After this difficult year with no interaction with anyone, I figured Facebook would be a great way to meet some new people, so I took some cool shots of a new bikini I’ve been modeling and put a link to my model website on my profile. I sent out a few hundred friend requests, and the only people who accepted already have a ton of bikini model friends,” said Nguyen. “I saw a guy who sold insurance in Nebraska — I don’t know anything about insurance, and he looked like he didn’t know anything about swimwear, and I thought we could teach each other. But he reported my account immediately. For a simple friend request?”

“How’s a 5’9,” slender, 21-year-old thong model supposed to network these days?” she added.

Nguyen’s mother, Cindy, sympathized.

“I feel really bad for her — she’s always been a shy, girl-next-door type who just wants to share her dorm room pictures with random men. I told her to put that in her bio, and that only seemed to make it worse somehow,” she said. “I just want her to get out there in the world. I guess her next step is putting an ad in the back of a local paper.”

Despite Nguyen’s frustrations, Mark O’Shay, the director of social media outreach for industry-leading Spectrum Marketing, claimed her situation is common.

“Over the past decade, we’ve seen many people struggle to break through the social media wall: swimwear models, people giving away iPads, people with a great deal on Ray-Ban sunglasses… they’re all being pushed to the side, and we can’t figure out why. All our research shows that these are things universally loved,” said O’Shay. “The internet world is very confusing. You’re not going to believe this, but I have four clients who are members of different royal African families who are literally trying to give their money away. And they’re not even getting a return email.”

Nguyen was unavailable for further comment, as she was attempting to reach several friends from high school about a once-in-a-lifetime investment opportunity in which they surely would be interested.