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CEO Mindset: Elon Musk Will Live in the Men’s Room at Denny’s Until They Fix the Hand Dryer

Ever wash your hands in a Denny’s restroom after making room for your Grand Slam only to find that the hand dryer is busted? If you’re an ordinary person you probably looked around for some paper towels, maybe settled for wiping them on your shirt, and went about your day. Elon Musk is no ordinary person.

Musk is a problem solver, and when he realized the hand dryer at Denny’s was broken he knew he had to face the issue head-on. He ordered his lowest-ranking employee in earshot to get him a cot and some personal belongings. That’s right: Papa Musk will live in the Denny’s men’s room until that hand dryer gets its act together!

Talk about a goddamned maverick. What your limited pedestrian brain may consider “eccentric” or “bafflingly stupid” Musk views as “total commitment.” He engineered a nightstand out of an old cardboard box, loaded it with soda cans and handguns, and invited former president Donald Trump to use the urinal anytime he pleases. Checkmate hand dryer inefficiency!

He even added a sign to the restroom door that reads “Please No Vampires,” because, as he explained with his trademark smirk “It would be terrible for everyone if a vampire used this restroom.” He explained how this is the single funniest joke anyone has ever made, and with his dynamic 4D approach to hand dryer repair, who could argue?

It’s been three days, and Musk has spent the entire time offering to wipe any Denny’s patron who uses the restroom, provided that the doctor stationed outside the door has confirmed their gender and cleared them for entry. He is then washing his hands, keeping them in a constant state of needing to be dried. As he explains, “The thing people don’t understand about hand drying is that the hands need to be wet. Otherwise, you have no idea if your product is working.”

Musk’s 24-hour presence in the restroom has already made a huge impact. Previously the manager of that Denny’s had claimed that the hand dryer needed a new part and that a rep would be by to replace it on Thursday. Now that Elon is there to put the pressure on, the manager has confirmed that the rep will “definitely” come by on Thursday. That “definitely” is the CEO difference. That’s what genius gets you.

Thank you for showing us what real leadership looks like Mr. Musk! With you at the helm, we can all rest assured the future is in good, and soon-to-be dry, hands!