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10 Ways To Treat Yourself After Nailing a Basic Social Interaction

BIG CONGRATS. Against literally all odds, YOU, a fully-grown adult, managed to pull off a basic social interaction with a stranger. You didn’t stutter, you didn’t make weird eye contact, hell, you didn’t even say, “you too” when the cashier told you to enjoy your food like you usually do! Instead, you somehow managed to not be a total fucking social disaster.

You nailed the shit out of that brief interaction with a stranger, and you know what, you’re right, you deserve a little reward! Here are ten reasonable ways to treat yourself after CRUSHING the absolute bare minimum!

Take A Nap Without Setting an Alarm

We know you’re ALL about the “15-minute power nap” *throws up* but this is a celebration, dammit! You deserve to take the kind of nap that makes you lose all sense of space and time. So don’t bother setting that alarm—nap freely!

Buy A Stupidly Expensive Coffee

You know the one. That 7-dollar cold brew with an extra shot, two half pumps of bee pollen and a skinny mascarpone macchiato cold foam. Oh it’s 11 DOLLARS? Who gives a fuck? Not you!

Scroll Endlessly on Socials

We know you’ll probably do this anyway, but you might as well carve out some time (and by “some time” we mean at LEAST four hours) to watch some Reels or Tik-Toks or Snapchats or whatever the fuck the kids are doing these days. LET LOOSE! ROT THAT BRAIN!

Crack Open a Cold One At Your Desk

Who cares if it’s 9am on a Tuesday? Kick back and suck down a couple of brewskis. And be sure to share one with Tina from HR. She’s seems chill!

Eat a Metric Fuck-Ton of Ice Cream

We’re not therapists by any means, but we’re pretty sure that the greatest act of self-compassion is horkin’ down a pint of ice cream. So grab a spoon and get to work! Hell YES the one with all the candy in it, this isn’t amateur hour!

Call Everyone You Know and Try to Win Some Lasting Good Graces From Your Friends

While we fully subscribe to “quit while you’re ahead,” philosophy, there’s the .001 percent chance that you’re on a hot streak. In that case, ya might as well try to call everyone in your life to remind them that you’re capable of having a completely and totally normal interaction. And who knows! They might even think you’re charming!

Skip that Charity Event That You Should Really Go To But Like Also Maybe Don’t Have To

You’ve already blessed a stranger’s day by not being a total social disaster. And in our book, that’s enough charity for the year. FUCK THE ALBINO WHALES!

Start a Mosh Pit at Trader Joe’s

It took a lot of discipline to nail that social interaction, so why not let loose in a grocery store? If they have a problem with it, they shouldn’t have made their employees where those party-time aloha shirts! Let the GROUP CATHARSIS begin!!

Buy 100 Cameos from Henry Winkler

There are two outcomes for this one and they both rock. Option 1: You’ll be blessed with 100 compliments from one of the kindest men on earth. Option 2: He’ll jump to the totally and completely logical conclusion that instead of recording 100 cameos, he can save a lot of time by becoming your best friend. Either way, Henry Winkler will be telling you what a great job you did. And you DID do a great job!

Spend the Rest of Your Day Flushing Your Meds and Doing Whippits

Or week, whatever. Social interactions are normally very hard for you!