If Biden Really Won the Election, How Come No One in This ICU Voted for Him?
If you’ve been around the block as much as I have, you know you can’t hardly trust anyone about anything.…
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Tony Morse — Page 3
34 stories found
Giant Line of Cocaine Lands Starring Role In Another Scorsese Film
BURBANK, Calif. — Hollywood is abuzz amidst reports that one of its most fabled power couples, acclaimed director Martin Scorsese…
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Pandemic Enters Dangerous Phase as Dave Matthews Concerts Spread
GEORGE, Wash. — Dave Matthews Band is raising alarm among epidemiologists and everyone who isn’t in a fraternity or sorority…
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Lou Bega Hints At Possible “Mambo No. 6”
BERLIN — Late nineties pop sensation Lou Bega excited fans this week when he implied that a follow-up to his…
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Amazon Employees Plan to Sneak in Bathroom Break While Jeff Bezos in Space
NEW YORK — Local Amazon employee Jeff Baxter developed a plan to finally use the bathroom at work after reading…
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Trapt Offer to Pay Anyone $35 to Request Them on Cameo
LOS ANGELES — Hate speech enthusiast Chris Taylor Brown and his disesteemed nu-metal band Trapt are reportedly offering $35 to…
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Therapist Offers Father’s Day Introductory Rates
BOSTON — Local therapist Dr. Loic Middleberry attempted to reach new clients by introducing reduced-rate services for sessions focusing exclusively…
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Matt Gaetz Announces He’s Only 17 Years Old
WASHINGTON — Embattled congressman Matt Gaetz shocked officials inside the Beltway with a bombshell announcement regarding his age, stunned Capitol…
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Cop Instinctively Covers Badge Number in Vaccine Selfie
MINNEAPOLIS, Minn. — Local law enforcement veteran Sergeant David Maddison drew praise from fellow officers for deftly concealing his identity…
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Racist Aunt Tired of Even More Racist Uncle Getting All the Attention
VANCOUVER, Wash. — Covert racist Nancy Jensen admitted she is sick of her more conspicuously bigoted husband receiving all the…
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