Blue Whale Ashamed of Its Five-Foot-Long Micropenis
PACIFIC OCEAN — A male blue whale around 600 miles off the coast of the Aleutian Islands is reportedly ashamed…
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Stephen Bell — Page 9
101 stories found
Hyenas Storm Pride Rock After Refusing to Accept Scar’s Defeat
PRIDE ROCK — Dozens of hyenas still loyal to Scar attempted and ultimately failed to retake Pride Rock in a…
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Instagram Search History Somehow More Embarrassing Than Porn Search History
HELL, Mich. — Instagram user and avid pornography viewer Eric Stafford found himself more embarrassed yesterday by his Instagram search…
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Ben Shapiro Pulls Pants Down to Ankles Before Peeing in Urinal
LOS ANGELES — Alt-right conservative commentator Ben Shapiro pulled his pants all the way down around his ankles yesterday to…
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Trump Sneaks His Own Name into This Year’s Turkey Pardoning Ceremony
WASHINGTON — Onlookers at the traditional Thanksgiving White House turkey pardoning ceremony were left unsurprised today after President Trump attempted…
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Melania Trump Caught Stuffing Florida Ballot Box With Votes for Biden
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — First Lady Melania Trump was apprehended by Florida election officials this morning after being caught…
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Coronavirus Looking Forward to Another Four Years
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA — The coronavirus, the cause of a worldwide pandemic that has killed over one million people…
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Poser Wearing Che Guevara Shirt Can’t Even Name Three of His Songs
OBERLIN, Ohio — Supposed radical leftist Kristen Dermitt revealed herself to be a total poser today, wearing a Che Guevara…
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Kiss of Death Causes Unexpected Sexual Awakening in Mafia Member
TRENTON, N.J. — Mafioso and “ordinary dry cleaners operator” Eugenio “Two-Bean Gene” Bianchi underwent an unexpected and surprising sexual awakening…
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We Tried A Raw Food Diet And Learned It Is Not Supposed to Include Chicken
As a health-conscious individual, taking care of my body is important to me. I am the head priest of the…
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