Stephen Bell, Author at HARDTIMES

I Can’t Wait for the Day To Arrive That I Can Go To a Live Concert Again and Leave Because My Anxiety Takes Over

January 22, 2021

As vaccines against the Covid-19 virus begin distribution one can’t help but have a sense of optimism as the future…

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Blue Whale Ashamed of Its Five-Foot-Long Micropenis

January 12, 2021

PACIFIC OCEAN — A male blue whale around 600 miles off the coast of the Aleutian Islands is reportedly ashamed…

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Hyenas Storm Pride Rock After Refusing to Accept Scar’s Defeat

January 9, 2021

PRIDE ROCK — Dozens of hyenas still loyal to Scar attempted and ultimately failed to retake Pride Rock in a…

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Instagram Search History Somehow More Embarrassing Than Porn Search History

December 9, 2020

HELL, Mich. — Instagram user and avid pornography viewer Eric Stafford found himself more embarrassed yesterday by his Instagram search…

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Ben Shapiro Pulls Pants Down to Ankles Before Peeing in Urinal

December 5, 2020

LOS ANGELES — Alt-right conservative commentator Ben Shapiro pulled his pants all the way down around his ankles yesterday to…

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Trump Sneaks His Own Name into This Year’s Turkey Pardoning Ceremony

November 20, 2020

WASHINGTON — Onlookers at the traditional Thanksgiving White House turkey pardoning ceremony were left unsurprised today after President Trump attempted…

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Melania Trump Caught Stuffing Florida Ballot Box With Votes for Biden

November 3, 2020

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — First Lady Melania Trump was apprehended by Florida election officials this morning after being caught…

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Coronavirus Looking Forward to Another Four Years

November 3, 2020

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA — The coronavirus, the cause of a worldwide pandemic that has killed over one million people…

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Poser Wearing Che Guevara Shirt Can’t Even Name Three of His Songs

September 20, 2020

OBERLIN, Ohio — Supposed radical leftist Kristen Dermitt revealed herself to be a total poser today, wearing a Che Guevara…

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Kiss of Death Causes Unexpected Sexual Awakening in Mafia Member

September 16, 2020

TRENTON, N.J. — Mafioso and “ordinary dry cleaners operator” Eugenio “Two-Bean Gene” Bianchi underwent an unexpected and surprising sexual awakening…

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