Girlfriend Excited to Start Crying Outside of Bars Again
SAN FRANCISCO — Local woman Amber Stevens is looking forward to a return of her favorite pastime of crying outside…
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Ryan Danley
85 stories found
Poser Used Book Dealer Doesn’t Even Have Old Sumerian Texts That Open Gate to Hell
SAN FRANCISCO — A Novel Experience Bookstore owner Dale Severen was deemed “totally not legit” yesterday for lacking a dynamic…
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Old Family Recipe Unnecessarily Racist
BOSTON — Recently deceased grandmother Anita Reilly’s bereaved found yesterday a trove of family recipes, including one for a beloved,…
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Ken Burns Already Has Two Episodes of Second Civil War Documentary in the Can
LOS ANGELES — World-renowned documentarian Ken Burns has already completed two episodes of a seven-part series addressing America’s ongoing Second…
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Aging Punk Quietly Circles ‘A’ In ‘Accounts Receivable’ During Sales Meeting
PHOENIX — 45-year-old punk rocker and local senior accountant Danny Rogers was spotted yesterday afternoon circling the “A” on a…
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Oscars Add Performative Allyship Category
LOS ANGELES — The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences will add a Performative Allyship category for next year's…
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Bass Player Orders Lead Singer’s Cameo to Figure Out When Next Practice Is
LOS ANGELES — Ronnie Jordan, the bassist for Los Angeles glam-rock band Humdinger, reached out to his band’s lead singer…
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Overheated Hardcore Guy Cuts Off Tattoo Sleeves
VENICE, Calif. — Local hardcore guy Dan “Nukka” Reilly was rushed to the emergency room with massive blood loss yesterday…
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I’m Not a Terrible Person Because I’m a Cop, I’m a Terrible Person That Became a Cop
As a 20 year veteran of the police force, I am getting real tired of everyone bashing the shield. Somehow…
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Starting My Own Bang Bus Is Way Harder Than I Thought
As a proud American, I’m always looking for new business ventures. After a lot of research, my wife and I…
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