Morrissey Excited to Be Back Out There Canceling Shows Again
LOS ANGELES — Legendary alt-crooner Morrissey admitted that he feels creatively fulfilled now that he is able to cancel his…
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Ryan Danley — Page 4
82 stories found
America Wishes There Had Been Some Sort of Warning of Rising Temperatures
OMAHA, Neb. — Citizens across the country are coping with record breaking heat and wondering why there has been seemingly…
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School Of Hard Knocks Graduates Yet Another Class Of Racist Uncles
DALLAS — Legendary ass-kicking institution The School Of Hard Knocks celebrated yet another graduating class of macho, non-PC, bootstrap puller-uppers…
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Other Maroon 5 Members Wondering if Maybe They Can Dance With a Supermodel in Next Video
LOS ANGELES — Members of pop rock outfit Maroon 5 are wondering when they will finally enjoy the fruits of…
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Man Hoping Truck Flag Size Properly Represents His Level of Racism
CENTRALIA, Wash. — Local patriot Rick Staler is concerned that the size of the flags mounted in the bed of…
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Punk’s Life Built Entirely on Spite Going Surprisingly Well
PITTSBURGH — Local punk Sam Allister’s life built entirely on doing things out of spite for the extreme bitterness of…
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ACAB Including the Scooby Gang
Well lookie what we have here. The Mystery Machine and its group of do-gooders. Running around, looking at clues, and…
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Punk Psychiatrist Suggests Fighting Dad
PHOENIX — Local punk and licensed therapist Dr. Tim “Roach” Rochestky, LPCC, suggested that a patient kick his square fuckhead…
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Lead Singer Pretty Sure There Are Still Some COVID Restrictions Stopping Him From Helping With Load In
LOS ANGELES — Vocalist Trevor Handler of Reseda pop punk band Half-Hazzard insisted that his reluctance to help the band…
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Squidward Sought in Mass Shooting Incident at Krusty Krab
BIKINI BOTTOM― Longtime cashier Squidward Tentacles is the lead suspect in a mass shooting at the Krusty Krab which left…
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