NEW YORK — Executives at Buzzfeed issued an apology today for their quiz, “Plan A Perfect Winter Day and We’ll Tell You If You’d Survive…
RICHMOND, Ind. — Depressed man Mike Calkins’s cries for help yesterday were laughed off again by friends and colleagues, due to his frequent use of…
NORTHAMPTON, Mass. — Aspiring influencer Joey Partouzi abandoned a much-hyped DIY project in record time yesterday after facing a small setback during the planning stage,…
VISTA, Calif. — Divorced parents Margaret Clark and Pete Doyle put aside years of mutual acrimony last night, reconnecting over their hated of daughter Kelsey’s…
WASHINGTON — Vice President Mike Pence was “disoriented” and “inconsolable” last night leaving a concert by metal band Lamb of God shortly after it began,…
PORTLAND, Maine — Attendees, staff, and band at a Drunk Witch show last night simultaneously all concluded that they’re just “too old for this loud…
DETROIT — Controversial singer/songwriter Morrissey is now selling signed copies of albums by the notorious white power band Skrewdiver for $300 at concerts, attendees at…
BURBANK, Calif. — Contrarian punk Greg Howard derailed his family’s appearance on “Family Feud” yesterday with esoteric answers and random outbursts, production sources still cleaning…
LOS ANGELES — The wardrobe department for last night’s episode of long-running procedural “NCIS: Los Angeles” dressed a “punk” character in an Aerosmith T-shirt and…
NEW YORK — Local man Conor McLaughlin took to the internet yesterday to find a low-cost, DIY hack to help him his fix an issue…
NEW YORK — Vice writer Evan Walsh spent countless hours last week trying to find something problematic about a recent viral meme featuring Spongebob Squarepants…
SAN FRANCISCO — Formerly monogamous couple Corinne Pickett and Rob Laban have embraced a life of polyamory, opening up their relationship to help offset their…
If You Don’t Do Something About the Annual Murders, I Can No Longer Send My Kids to Your Summer Camp
If You Don’t Do Something About the Annual Murders, I Can No Longer Send My Kids to Your Summer Camp
I wish to bring a troubling issue to the attention of the management at Camp Crystal Lake. I have been sending my children to your…
Well, this is just a fucking mess. Last night I went on what my ex refers to as one of my “dangerous binge drinking sessions”…
BOWIE, Md. — The back-breaking labor of Free State Digital staffer and lifelong punk Michael Fazekas to avoid doing his job often exceeds the effort…