Patrick Coyne, Author at HARDTIMES

June 30, 2021

NASHVILLE — Local woman and occasional defecator Ingrid Fowler was shocked and alarmed to discover her boyfriend’s bathroom had just…

June 22, 2021

First of all, stop being such a pussy, dude. It’s just a handgun. And a glock at that! No one…

June 8, 2021

Everybody just be cool, okay?! The doors are locked and chained from the outside, and nobody is leaving this blackbox…

June 6, 2021

MOORESTOWN, N.J. — Local dad Henry Connor insisted he will not be comfortable hugging his 27-year-old son Griffin until they’re…

May 26, 2021

The Thin White Duke. Aladdin Sane. Ziggy Stardust. None of these nicknames describes Ted Nugent, a man primarily known for…

May 19, 2021

Awww yeah. You already know what the fuck is going on here. Me and my lady are off to see…

May 10, 2021

BALLARD RESIDENCE — A disturbing and highly scientific new study has found that I, Gary Ballard, the extremely parched breadwinner…

May 5, 2021

“The Wire” is considered the greatest show of all time, besides all those other shows that are also considered the…

May 2, 2021

First of all, I just want to say to all my friends and family, thank you for your concern. I…

April 30, 2021

BOSTON — An allegedly cash-poor Dropkick Murphys irked fans by announcing that Arbor Day has always been one of “their…