Opinion: It’s No Big Deal, My Dad Doesn’t Keep It Loaded
First of all, stop being such a pussy, dude. It’s just a handgun. And a glock at that! No one…
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Patrick Coyne — Page 9
372 stories found
No One’s Leaving This Venue Until This Audience Figures out How to Clap in 5/4 Time
Everybody just be cool, okay?! The doors are locked and chained from the outside, and nobody is leaving this blackbox…
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Dad Not Comfortable Hugging Adult Son Before Vaccine, After Vaccine
MOORESTOWN, N.J. — Local dad Henry Connor insisted he will not be comfortable hugging his 27-year-old son Griffin until they’re…
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Beyond Vietnam: 3 Other Times Ted Nugent Got Out of an Obligation by Shitting His Pants
The Thin White Duke. Aladdin Sane. Ziggy Stardust. None of these nicknames describes Ted Nugent, a man primarily known for…
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HELL YEAH MOTHERFUCKERS: This Venue Has Seating
Awww yeah. You already know what the fuck is going on here. Me and my lady are off to see…
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Alarming New Study Finds I’m The Only One in This House That Knows How to Refill the Goddamn Brita Filter
BALLARD RESIDENCE — A disturbing and highly scientific new study has found that I, Gary Ballard, the extremely parched breadwinner…
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Top Four Times We Tried to Watch “The Wire”
“The Wire” is considered the greatest show of all time, besides all those other shows that are also considered the…
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Opinion: You Can Totally Just Eat Uncooked Hot Dogs
First of all, I just want to say to all my friends and family, thank you for your concern. I…
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Cash-Strapped Dropkick Murphys Insist Arbor Day Also Their Thing
BOSTON — An allegedly cash-poor Dropkick Murphys irked fans by announcing that Arbor Day has always been one of “their…
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Stoned Kevin Smith Still Answering First Question Four Hours into Q and A
DELRAY BEACH, Fla. — Stoned-out-of-his-gourd movie director and podcaster Kevin Smith is still answering the first question of a Q…
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