Awww yeah. You already know what the fuck is going on here. Me and my lady are off to see a show tonight. It’s been over a year since we’ve seen any band play live. But tonight we’ve got a babysitter, we already found a parking garage and took out cash to tip the bartender. And the best part of it all?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING VENUE HAS SEATING, MOTHERFUCKERS.
Sure, we used to be front row fucking center in the pit, but we don’t need that shit anymore to have a good time. Way too much jostling down there anyway. And it’s way cooler being up here in the back with the old folks and friends of the band who aren’t good enough friends to go backstage.
Besides, my wife shouldn’t be standing up for more than 20 minutes at a time because of her MOTHERFUCKING SCIATICA.
And it’s not just the seating that makes this whole fucking enchanted evening the absolute tits. You honestly thought I’d be content with some seating, you little bitch? Hell no. THEY GOT A BATHROOM UP IN THE SEATING AREA, TOO.
But fuck that horseshit. Because we used the bathroom at Starbucks before entering the venue. And I bought a pack of soft-baked Madeline cookies, motherfuckers. I also bought a god damn hibiscus iced tea, but the butt muncher at the door made me chuck that shit before entering the show. Fucking narc.
You know what? I know we paid to see the headliner, but I’m getting kinda sleepy. We saw the opener and that’s good enough….motherfuckersssssss.
And since we’re leaving the show early, we’ll have plenty of time for some real fun at home, if you catch my mf’ing drift. That’s right. Me and my lady could totally have sex tonight. Of course, we’ll be way too tired to do it. But we totally could go to the bone zone if we wanted.
And it’s a good thing we won’t be having sex tonight. Because tomorrow is Sunday. And you know just what the hell we be doing Sunday morning.
WE’RE GOING TO THE FARMER’S MARKET, MOTHERFUCKERS.