Review: Review: ACXDC “Satan is King”
The other morning I woke up and was just in one of those moods where I was unwilling to try…
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Krissy Howard — Page 4
156 stories found
Review: Discharge “Live at the City Garden New Jersey”
Each Sunday, The Hard Times travels back and reviews a notable album from the past. This week we tackle the…
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Local Creep in Limited Capacity Venue Somehow Still Just Needs to Squeeze by You Lovely Ladies Real Quick
RIDGEWOOD, N.Y. — Local creep Lance Weems narrowly squeezed past two women at a limited capacity venue last night despite…
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Punk in Carhartt Averts Eyes, Sinks Into Seat After Waiter Asks if Carpenter in Building Amid Wobbly Chair Emergency
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Local punk and Carhartt jacket-wearing dilettante Anthony Lynch avoided eye contact with fellow diners at a restaurant…
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33% Capacity Show Produces 50% Larger Crowd than Local Band Has Ever Played For
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — A limited-capacity show yesterday evening drew a crowd twice as large as local band Jolly Bean Chili…
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Year of Not Attending Shows Allows Woman Space to Realize She Hates Every Single Thing About Them
BOISE, Idaho — Local woman and lifelong punk Charlotte Birdsong came to the relieving conclusion that she does not miss…
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Biracial Punk Can’t Even Name Three Origin Stories or Whatever the Fuck This White Person Needs to Walk Away Satisfied
BEND, Ore. — Alleged “biracial poser” and local punk Liz Watson disappointed white stranger Dana Fields yesterday by inadequately naming…
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Mama Celeste Canonized as Patron Saint of Giving Up
VATICAN CITY — Local personal pizza and source of calories for millions, Mama Celeste, was canonized into sainthood during a…
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Vaccine Side Effects Excuse Enters Third Week
AMES, Iowa — Somewhat recently vaccinated woman Teresa Faison entered her third week of using the potential side effects of…
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Drunk Scallop at Bar Talking About Time Gordon Ramsay Threw It on Countertop in Season Three, Episode Six of “Hell’s Kitchen” Again
DOVER, Del. — A local townie and currently wasted-off-his-ass scallop is rambling on about the time his rubbery body was…
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