HARDTIMES

December 9, 2021

SEAFORD, Del. — Townspeople have taken notice of a feral rat who is now on day seven grieving a transient…

December 8, 2020

LOS ANGELES — Indie powerhouse Phoebe Bridgers surprised fans yesterday by uploading a somber rendition of your grandmother's most private…

November 8, 2020

SAN JOSE, Calif. — Quarantined suitor Gabe Dawson canceled his highly anticipated Zoom date with “hot barista Dylan” last night…

March 14, 2020

GLENDALE, Calif. — Fraud victim Megan Howard made an emergency exit through her date’s bathroom window last night after an…

January 13, 2020

PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Recording artist Mitski announced today that her merchandise will now be available for sale at mental health…

November 22, 2019

SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — High school sophomore Michelle Johnston was hospitalized for exhaustion last night after leaving a full day…

November 10, 2019

BOSTON — Owners of popular local bar Toolie’s are under heavy scrutiny today after unveiling a dress code slammed as…

July 29, 2019

BOISE, Idaho — Self-proclaimed “Ted Head” and loyal trap house patron Dustin Ward spent last Monday afternoon reminiscing about the…

May 20, 2019

MARFA, Texas — Automated mastering software LANDR led a meet-and-greet today for teenage pop-punk trio VVhat after all three members…

May 15, 2019

SAN DIEGO — Local man and semi-frequent sex-haver Taylor Durham edited his 95-minute long playlist “Poon Tunez” yesterday while reluctantly…