SEAFORD, Del. — Townspeople have taken notice of a feral rat who is now on day seven grieving a transient punk who recently passed away…
LOS ANGELES — Indie powerhouse Phoebe Bridgers surprised fans yesterday by uploading a somber rendition of your grandmother’s most private final moments to Bandcamp at…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Quarantined suitor Gabe Dawson canceled his highly anticipated Zoom date with “hot barista Dylan” last night after spending 45 minutes as…
GLENDALE, Calif. — Fraud victim Megan Howard made an emergency exit through her date’s bathroom window last night after an underwhelming penis reveal that looked…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Recording artist Mitski announced today that her merchandise will now be available for sale at mental health clinics across the country, klonopin…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — High school sophomore Michelle Johnston was hospitalized for exhaustion last night after leaving a full day of attending predominantly white classes…
BOSTON — Owners of popular local bar Toolie’s are under heavy scrutiny today after unveiling a dress code slammed as discriminatory against patrons with irregular…
BOISE, Idaho — Self-proclaimed “Ted Head” and loyal trap house patron Dustin Ward spent last Monday afternoon reminiscing about the days when he actually enjoyed…
MARFA, Texas — Automated mastering software LANDR led a meet-and-greet today for teenage pop-punk trio VVhat after all three members simultaneously suffered panic attacks when…
SAN DIEGO — Local man and semi-frequent sex-haver Taylor Durham edited his 95-minute long playlist “Poon Tunez” yesterday while reluctantly accepting the limitations of his…
NORTON, Ohio — Pop-punk trio Stutter Step were stranded alongside I-76 early this morning after their tour bus quit the band to go back to…
CHICAGO — Climatologists are blaming record-low temperatures for the steep decline in Year-Round Shorts-Guy populations, resulting in a massive shortage of exposed, hairy, mid-winter calves,…
HAYDEN, Idaho — Local white supremacist Jeffrey Braun is struggling with being judged for his beliefs and actions over the color of his skin, Braun…
BELLINGHAM, Wash. — A show last night at the 16th Street punk house, known locally as the Rock Rez, raised nearly enough funds to cover…
CHICAGO — Recently single Alex Parker was stunned to awake this morning in an ice-filled bathtub with his favorite hoodie forcefully ripped from his person…