John Danek, Author at HARDTIMES

December 25, 2019

Yep, that one! The cylinder with the red shiny wrapping paper. That’s yours — go ahead and open it, Mom.…

December 20, 2019

COLUMBIA, Md. – Non-confrontational wuss Samuel Bleck took out decades of built-up frustration today by open-palm slapping drywall in his…

December 12, 2019

CINCINNATI — Friendless, pathetic loser Sonny Robertson attempted to remedy his loneliness yesterday by starting a group text with his…

December 7, 2019

SAN DIEGO — Drummer and quiet introvert Don Scarpelli acted strangely on Saturday night after entering the blacklight-filled basement of…

December 6, 2019

PITTSBURGH — Researchers at Carnegie Mellon University released a disturbing report today predicting that 100% of erotic asphyxiation will be…

December 2, 2019

SEATTLE — Competitive barista Boris Demman was rushed to the emergency room yesterday when a carafe of fresh pourover was…

December 2, 2019

SEATTLE — Politically correct punk Michael Favata was delighted to learn yesterday that his band’s bassist is currently dating a…

November 26, 2019

NEW YORK — Popular photoblog “Humans of New York” announced in an emotional press conference today that they have finally…

November 26, 2019

ST. LOUIS — Folk-punk musician and all-around vagabond Ross Smithton asked you yesterday to pick him up from the Alton…

November 14, 2019

Do you feel a lack of energy, motivation, and general wellness in your life? Sheeple out there will tell you…