John Danek, Author at HARDTIMES

January 11, 2020

DETROIT — Local bar/glam rock band Stiletto Devils, who cite fellow Detroiters Kiss as their sole influence, “suck ass” at…

January 7, 2020

The word “boomer” contains decades–nay, millennia–of pain, hatred, and abuse. Millennials toss it around flippantly, making it the punchline of…

January 6, 2020

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Civil engineer Daniel Barley obtained sole custody of ex-girlfriend Alicia Kressen’s parents yesterday during the dissolution of…

January 5, 2020

LOS ANGELES — Local punk and diehard Interrobanged! fan Heather McGowan didn’t clap when the band played her “favorite song…

January 5, 2020

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Newly engaged and unnecessarily honest groom-to-be Blake Sorrentino announced at a dinner gathering last Friday that he…

January 2, 2020

Oh, you’re a Wu-Tang Clan fan too? Huh. Then name all of the members. I’ll wait. Oh, ok. Nice. But…

January 1, 2020

BOSTON — Local straight edger Alana Enders’ depression ostensibly reached a new low when she told the bartender at White…

December 26, 2019

CHICAGO — Legendary scene veteren Brent "Possum" Donello ended his punk phase with the ritual purchase of a queen-size Belgian…

December 25, 2019

Yep, that one! The cylinder with the red shiny wrapping paper. That’s yours — go ahead and open it, Mom.…

December 20, 2019

COLUMBIA, Md. – Non-confrontational wuss Samuel Bleck took out decades of built-up frustration today by open-palm slapping drywall in his…