Oh, you’re a Wu-Tang Clan fan too? Huh. Then name all of the members. I’ll wait. Oh, ok. Nice. But I bet you can’t tell me what “Only Built 4 Cuban Linx” means. Oh, you don’t know? Well, yeah. It’s a trick question. No one knows what the fuck that means, not even Raekwon the Chef. So I guess you get a pass there too.
I bet you can’t name three episodes of a true crime podcast you started to investigate the precise whereabouts of where Method Man left Rae’s Killer tape! Well I can because I did start a podcast like that. And quite literally no one listened to it. Because it’s for hardcore fans only. No one can hang with my level of fandom. I lost a lot of money on that.
I bet not one member of Wu has a restraining order against you. How many do I have? You guessed it: three. U-God, Masta Killa, and Cappadonna. Two of those genuinely weren’t my fault. U-God was totally in the right though; I crossed a line. Sorry about that, Huey.
Well if you’re SUCH a big Wu-Tang Clan, tell me about three times, in a rousing game of “Torture”, you fuckin, you fuckin sewed your homie’s asshole shut and kept feeding them and feeding them. And I’m going to need references here. I’ll settle for a police report. Well, go ahead; I’m waiting. Ha! I knew you weren’t as big of a fan as I am. Do you even know the proper technique for hanging a friend by his dick from a 12 story building? Doubt it. It’ll rip if you’re not careful! You best protect your neck. And your dick.
And how many times have you started a pharmaceutical company that pumps up the price of meds for AIDS patients in order to make enough money to bid on the one-of-a-kind Wu-Tang Clan album? Ok admittedly, I haven’t done that yet but I know a guy who has. Pretty chill dude, good hang. I haven’t seen him in a while though. Wonder what he’s up to these days.