Press "Enter" to skip to content

Favorite Band Playing Favorite Song Still Loses Woman’s Applause to Holding a Warm PBR

LOS ANGELES — Local punk and diehard Interrobanged! fan Heather McGowan didn’t clap when the band played her “favorite song of all time,” thanks to the warm, flat Pabst Blue Ribbon she was holding in her hands, shocked concertgoers observed.

“I couldn’t believe it: we’ve been going to Interrobanged! shows together since we were 15, and she always flips her shit when they play ‘Pre-Apocalyptic Fiction,’” explained McGowan’s best friend Steven Torres. “But she had the same muted reaction you’d have hearing Third Eye Blind in the grocery store. I genuinely felt bad for the band — they deserve better than this, and honestly, so does everyone else who came out tonight.”

McGowan’s indifference did not go unnoticed by the members of Interrobanged!, some of whom were barely consolable recounting the incident.

“Heather DM’ed us on Twitter and asked specifically if we would play ‘Pre-Apocalyptic Fiction,’ which wasn’t even in our setlist,” said keyboardist Mark Haight. “I picked her out from the crowd based on her profile pic and watched her as we finished the song… and she looked like she just got the news that her cholesterol levels are fine.”

“I think there was a glint of a smile, but she didn’t even do that thing where you slap your thigh with one hand because the beer is in the other,” agreed bassist Farrah Bigelow. “She was actually double-palming the PBR tallboy like it was cocoa on a cold winter day. What the hell? God, I hate our fans sometimes.”

Despite the negative reaction, McGowan remained steadfast in her decision to cradle her cheap beer with relative nonchalance.

“Yeah, that song is my favorite song ever, and I don’t ever see another song dethroning it,” proclaimed McGowan between sips of backwash-laden lukewarm lager. “But PBR is my 18th favorite beer… and music doesn’t get you drunk. I’m not a kid anymore — I know the audience is going to cheer and whoop, so why do I need to? They can’t hear my individual clapping.”

In an even more disturbing twist, anonymous sources indicate that when the band asked “how the fuck” the audience was doing, McGowan didn’t even let out a “Woo!”