Hey neighbor! Hope you don’t mind me popping by so late. Yes I’m aware it is two in the morning, but something has been bugging…
FORT MEYERS, Fla. — Conservative advocacy group Bring Back America’s Heroes petitioned Marvel to update their roster of heroes with a character who is openly…
PALM BEACH, Fla. –The Federal Bureau of Investigation recovered stacks of highly-classified nuclear weapons documents with “Hillary Clinton” written in childlike scrawls on them from…
Hey man, long time no see! I didn’t know you were invited to the after-party. Small world, huh? Did you happen to see — oh,…
As I stroll through this quaint suburban farmers market, I have this nagging feeling that something is missing. Sure there are plenty of requisite independent…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — The music scene was left reeling yesterday after a contingency of neoliberal punks suggested meeting Nazi punks halfway on a multitude of…
WASHINGTON — Abaddon the Destroyer, an immortal demon from the deepest depths of hell, begged an exorcist to free him from the body of the…
HAWKINS, Ind. — Local high school senior Jenny Dowd, currently trapped in the parallel universe of the Upside Down, opted to accept imminent death at…
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk Marcus “Moose” Crawford took time to celebrate on LinkedIn his six-year anniversary at “Unemployed,” acquaintances within his network confirmed. “I’m not…
BAYONNE, N.J. — Residents of local punk house The Dry Socket made the cost-cutting decision to switch to Kirkland Signature for household whippets after reevaluating…
So you’re blowing off steam after work at an LA Dive bar when you notice, more than a few times, this artsy-looking couple across the…
EDINA, Minn. — 37-year-old man Steve Bellows opted for chicken fingers for his seventh consecutive dinner outing despite having poured over the entire 23-page menu…
As I sit here in this soulless downtown bar, I feel like something is missing. Maybe it’s the dim Edison bulbs or the TJ Maxx…
HOUSTON — Several severe budget cuts to Texas public schools caused one high school’s ‘American History’ curriculum to be reduced to a single weathered VHS…
A great 20th-century philosopher/astronomer once said, “work sucks, I know.” Long hours, stagnant wages, and poor management have left a majority of America’s working-class feeling…