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The Next Les Misérables? This Cop Has Been Hassling Me for Years Over Some Stolen Bread

Can a person be truly redeemed if they are forced to commit crimes to survive in an unjust society? Nineteen years ago I lifted a loaf of bread from a supermarket because I wanted to make sandwiches and didn’t want to pay for it. I was caught by an off-duty cop almost immediately, and even though that was almost 20 years ago it continues to haunt me.

I can’t help but feel like I’m living out Jean Veljean’s story from Les Mis, because the cop that arrested me has been on my ass over this stolen bread for years on end.

It’s hard to fathom that shoplifting a loaf of Wonderbread from ShopRite in 2005 is the reason he can’t sleep at night, but this dude won’t let it go! I’m like, 99% sure he has bigger things to worry about, like the fact that everyone in this country is about to riot and potentially usher in a monumental government reforming revolution. He gives off vibes like he’d infiltrate a protest just to undermine it for fun.

I paid my dues to society! I vividly remember picking up litter on the highway while he looked down at me, busting my balls the entire time. Is he part of some Special Bread Unit I’m not aware of?

Okay, maybe I forgot to pay a parking meter or three since then (I tore them up anyway), but that hardly makes me a wonton criminal who deserves life in prison. I turned my life around and now I’m a somewhat respectable shift manager at Fashion Bug. But this Javert wannabe is like the Terminator of upholding unrealistic ideals of justice. If I get cuffed again, who’s going to take care of my cat? I promised my dead neighbor I’d look after her!

I feel like I’m on crazy pills. I went so far as to detail my plight on the “Am I the Asshole” Subreddit and nearly everyone agreed that morality and justice aren’t black and white, and that he just has it out for a dude with huge muscles. After a lot of back and forth, it looks like my best option is to somehow save his life (if I can find someone to try and run him down with their car) and trigger a worldview-shattering existential crisis that leads him to kill himself. Either that or I get a restraining order.