HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — Rebellious bartender Shae Ruggeri insisted on playing Semisonic’s signature song “Closing Time” exclusively at the start of her opening shifts, confirmed sources who were equally curious about her stomach tattoo of “Regular Show” character Muscle Man.
“When I first started at The Lagoon last fall, I was exclusively working nights, and at last call, Dave would always put on ‘Closing Time,’” Ruggeri said. “After a week of hearing that goddamn guitar and piano while wiping down the bar, I made a vow to myself: as soon as I started getting openings, I would only play it right when my shifts began. Sure, it confuses all the patrons, but if I have to hear ‘I know who I want to take me home’ at any point during my shift, I’d rather get it over with as soon as possible.”
Ruggeri’s tendency to play this song early in the day has sparked mixed reactions among her coworkers and patrons.
“I’ll never forget coming in at 11 a.m. on a Wednesday, and hearing ‘Closing Time’ and being so confused that I momentarily forgot that my son had just gone no contact with me for crashing his 2012 Corolla while going the wrong way down a one-way street,” said Lagoon regular Jack Fabiszak. “It was nearly enough to make me go sober once and for all until the guy sitting next to me said this was just ‘her thing.’ Hearing Semisonic any time before two in the morning just hits different.”
Noted ‘90s rock historian Simon Kibby says Ruggeri’s daring action is one that flagrantly defies a long-held superstition among service industry professionals.
“There’s a supposed ancient curse, dating back to Minneapolis, circa 1998, that warns against playing ‘Closing Time’ at any time but closing time,” Kibby said. “I’m not necessarily saying I believe this to be true. But if I’m in a bar and I hear ‘So, gather up your jackets; move it to the exits’ and the sun is still out, I’m saying as many incantations as I can to ward off any potential evil spirits that might arise, and then I’m leaving and never coming back. Well, not during the day, at least.”
At press time, Ruggeri’s manager revealed she had allowed her to continue playing “Closing Time” at opening as a compromise in order to “get her to stop playing Merzbow during happy hour.”