Move over, California sober — There’s a new form of pseudo-sobriety in town and I’m leading the charge. It’s called “Lexapro sober” and I definitely didn’t just make it up on the spot to get out of going to the bar with you.
Really, I still want to join you. It’ll be nice to get out of the house now that I’ve found the right therapist and antidepressant prescription to stop turning the weekly trivia night into a trauma-dump session. Just don’t expect me to knock down shots the way I did back then, or at all.
Being Lexapro sober has its benefits. I mean, I’m not drinking to forget anymore. I barely drink at all because a single Corona can and will have me holding onto the walls of our local Chili’s for dear life. Hell, I even got a little tipsy off a sip of wine from the samples table at that fancy new grocery store in town. I had no idea such little alcohol could do that to a person. I’m going to save so much money on the rare occasion that I actually want to drink. It’s almost like a pay-it-forward chain since I can use the difference to buy you a round.
Seriously, next one’s on me. It would warm my heart to see someone enjoy a shot without immediately feeling the room spin beneath their feet. I’m not just saying that because it’s easier to feel joy now that I’m no longer chemically imbalanced. I need to know for sure that this is actually Lexapro’s doing and I haven’t been a secret lightweight for all these years.
I mean, I used to down five White Claws in one sitting and barely get buzzed! My mental health may have been terrible back then but you have to admit my liver was pretty impressive. Not impressive enough to justify stopping the Lexapro and going back to ruining parties, but at least it made sense when a party got ruined because somebody drank their weight in whiskey. Saying you have to go home because you forgot that one beer feels like seven is just embarrassing. It really sucks since Lexapro is supposed to help my social anxiety and make these kinds of gatherings easier for me.
Anyway, I’d love to go to trivia with you and our team again now that enough time has passed for everyone to forget about last time. At least I can brag about being the only one in the building to actually stick to Dry January.