ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Local metalhead Devon Kingsley is reportedly still feeling a slight sense of euphoria after receiving $6.66 back from a purchase he made at a gas station convenience store a few days ago, denim-clad sources report.
“This was almost as fulfilling as the time my credit score hit 666,” said Kingsley with a large wad of beef jerky in his mouth. “I walked in to get my usual ‘fountain Dew’ and a slice of breakfast pizza, and I was stoked when I noticed they brought back Strawberry Tab on draft. But that’s only the beginning, I also scored seven chipotle chicken and cheddar Tornados that were discounted for having been under the heat lamp for seven hours. All that for $3.34! And to top it off, getting the number of the beast back in change, it was as if Lucifer himself forged that $10 dollar bill. Hail Satan!”
Kingley’s partner Amanda Glasston almost immediately noticed a change in her boyfriend’s mood since that day.
“I love seeing Devon so happy. He even hung the receipt on the fridge over a photo of us,” Glasston explained. “I think the last time I’ve seen him so pumped was when he spotted a used copy of Sodom’s ‘Agent Orange’ at the record shop down the street for only $4.20. He already had a copy, but he just thinks it’s cool to spot one in the wild for the price of the ‘marijuana number.’ Metalheads really are just simple folk. Unfortunately, he’s been trying to get $6.66 change ever since. He got close once with a $6.63 change amount but, according to him, it just wasn’t the same.”
Gas station manager Ron Brudunski noted several occasions where metalheads celebrated their “evil” change amounts.
“I’m not into the whole Satan or heavy metal thing myself, but it seems like every weekend I get hordes of them coming in and buying 40s and our pre-made sandwiches,” Brudunski explained. “But I’d rather have a million metalheads give me the horns or what-not because of their change than hear one more asshole say ‘$17.76? That was a pretty good year’ or some dumbshit like that. Some people still say, ‘No price. That means it’s free, right?’ Honestly, I’ll take metalheads over lame dudes any day.”
At press time, Kingsley’s mood was further improved after he spotted a Scottish Terrier that had a striking resemblance to Lemmy.