It’s always embarrassing when people come to your home and it’s one of the 358 days out of the year that your place is a fucking disaster. You have two choices — scramble to clean your apartment like a real-life ‘80s comedy montage, or come up with a legitimate excuse as to why every conceivable surface in your apartment is littered with empty PBR cans.
Aluminum has about a million and one uses when it comes to DIY craft projects. What a perfect smokescreen to hide your alcoholism and generally disheveled lifestyle from friends and family! Here are some specific projects you can claim to be interested in if your guest is a dick who asks a bunch of questions.
Beer Can Vehicular Model
Trains, planes, and automobiles, maybe even a helicopter! With enough scrap aluminum and some meticulous attention to detail there’s no limit to what you can pretend to be interested in creating!
Can-O-Lantern
Who says you can only carve faces into pumpkins? With an Exacto knife and the right skills you can carve any design into a beer can, from goofy smiles to elaborate photo-realistic portraits of famous icons. You’re not going to, you’re a drunk who probably shouldn’t have anything remotely as sharp as an Exacto knife in their hand at any given time, but your guests don’t have to know that!
Fancy Tea-candle Holder
You could be planning to turn all of those empties into tiny lamps, for all they know. There are tons of designs out there suitable for all skill levels, so if someone doesn’t buy it you can tell them to look it up on Pinterest.
A Miniature Replica Of The Accident
As seen in the film “Hereditary,” painstakingly recreating horrific events from your life in miniature can be a great way to process trauma. Another great way to process trauma is just staying drunk all the time but the people who “care” about you don’t see it that way, so just tell them you’re making an aluminum replica of that time you drove through a school bus.
Really Shitty Wind Chimes
Yeah, wind chimes. Fuckin… whatever.
Mind Your Own Business
You could just tell your guests to mind their own fucking business and save their judgment for someone who fucking gives a shit. Look THAT shit up on Pinterest, motherfucker.