March 2021 - Page 5 of 16

The Hard Times Staff • March 23, 2021

BOULDER, Colo. — Unpopular yet devastating virus COVID-19 announced it will be partnering with Mass Shootings in a co-headlining killing…

Kyle Erf • March 22, 2021

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — A controversial new investigation into the supply chain buttressing the extremely popular sport of Kart Racing sparked…

Laura Merli • March 22, 2021

ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) announced today that Americans who have been surgically attached to…

Literally A Koala • March 22, 2021

DOYLESTOWN, Pa. — Local sous chef and frequent masturbater Kyle Myers would not pause his jerk-off session Monday when his…

Heather Cook • March 22, 2021

Millennials have been deemed the lazy and entitled generation, but there are a few exceptions. Sure, most of us are…

Tony Morse • March 22, 2021

VANCOUVER, Wash. — Covert racist Nancy Jensen admitted she is sick of her more conspicuously bigoted husband receiving all the…

Ed Smith • March 21, 2021

TOKYO — A former MMA champion officially withdrew from an international martial arts competition yesterday after a brutal mauling from…

Jake Menez • March 21, 2021

PHOENIX — Stead Ned, the guitarist for the Ned Flanders-inspired heavy metal band Okilly Dokilly, is worried about his missing…

Ryan Danley • March 21, 2021

After decades in television and cinema, if there's one thing people remember about Tim Allen it's the name he made…

Kevin Tit • March 21, 2021

BLOOMINGTON, Minn. — Local dad and lifelong jock Patrick Bruckheimer is forcing his home-schooled teenage son to take showers upstairs…

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