John Danek
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CHICAGO — Legendary scene veteren Brent "Possum" Donello ended his punk phase with the ritual purchase of a queen-size Belgian…
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Heather Cook
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FLEMINGTON, NJ. — Local sociopath and deranged serial killer Parker Greene enthusiastically pulled 20 teeth out of the front pocket…
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Mark Roebuck
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STONEHENGE — A paleontological excavation has discovered that the long speculated Primal Rage dinosaur fighting tournaments were in fact a…
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Jordan Breeding
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I’ve always thought of myself as a pretty good-looking guy. You wouldn’t hire me to model in GQ or anything,…
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Krissy Howard
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BISMARCK, N.D. — A group of local aging punks gathered outside of a show at The Railyard Tavern early yesterday…
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Jimmy Beliakoff
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SALT LAKE CITY — The collective little cousins of the United States announced a formal inquiry into what games you…
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Ryan Lichten
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SEATTLE — Beloved Christmas icon Santa Claus announced today that he is starting a GoFundMe campaign after his sleigh was…
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Jakob Biddle
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ATLANTA — TBS has opted to air seminal holiday film A Christmas Story one time at .065 its normal running…
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V.F. Thompson
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BETHLEHEM, Judea — Three magi arrived at a venue last night for the Christ child shortly after his birth, along…
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John Danek
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Yep, that one! The cylinder with the red shiny wrapping paper. That’s yours — go ahead and open it, Mom.…
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