Jordan Breeding
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CHICAGO — Noted rhythm-and-blues singer Robert Sylvester “R.” Kelly announced the impending release of an all-new hostage today, undercover police…
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Lauren Lavín
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In our never-ending quest to uplift and heal ourselves, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by all the different types of…
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Kyle Sekaquaptewa
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EVERETT, Wash. — Toy manufacturer Funko Pop announced today that they will be releasing a Brett Kavanaugh collectible figure this…
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Patrick Coyne
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CHICAGO — Polite and respectful punk Jimmy Arano “did the right thing” at a house party last weekend by slightly…
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Luke Thornton
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ST. PAUL, Minn. — Mathcore band The David Hilbert Filter Box has successfully converted the harsh 6.2 Pitchfork review of…
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Jeremy Kaplowitz
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AUSTIN, Texas — Local gamer Christine McNamara bought a full-price $60 version of popular video game Overwatch today solely to…
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SAN FRANCISCO — Greg Franken, local embarrassed and disappointed father, dropped off his son at some sort of nerd convention…
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Ed Saincome
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JAKARTA, Indonesia — The uncontacted people of the Teriku tribe are the last-known living humans yet to hear of Banksy’s…
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Dan Rice
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When our son Terry told us he was coming home from college for the weekend to “tell us something” my…
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Dicky Stock
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BOSTON — Raw Sex guitarist Steve Dyer hopes to land a “fucking awesome” photo of him playing at a show…
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