FLINT, Mich. — Officials from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Friday afternoon that Flint, Mich. residents should use only soap when washing…
KANSAS CITY — Local slob Donna McKenny agitated her roommates again yesterday with her claim that the mounting piles of dirty clothing in their apartment…
SAN FRANCISCO — Lifelong straight edger Timothy Sharp tipped $5 on a glass of tap water last night, thanks to his ignorance of bar etiquette…
PHOENIX — Local resident Shauna Johnson was playing the newest hit indie platformer when she made a shocking discovery: a level she had understood as…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Roommates at punk/party house the Snake Pit are reportedly growing alarmed by the complete lack of water intake by fellow resident…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Mourner Bryan Powell was reportedly infatuated last week with how different the tap water in Nashville tasted compared to that of his…
AUSTIN — Early reviews are indicating that “Adventures of Slappy,” a newly released action/adventure game, has horrible controls, ugly characters, a confusing story, and stunningly…
PARIS — Top climate scientists released a new peer-reviewed research paper today, which warns that all Super Mario stages will become underwater levels within the…
BOSTON — Straight edge scene veteran Jesse Hunter miraculously transformed a simple glass of water into an opportunity for ruthless mocking at a party Saturday…
GAINESVILLE, FL – Hot Water Music frontman and Revival Tour founder Chuck Ragan announced today that he would be undergoing a lifesaving flannel transplant this…
DIXIE, Ga. – After a long, hard battle with their host’s shower, touring band The Hammer and Nail have reportedly broken the shower’s handle and…
DIXIE, Ga. – After several hours of futile attempts, not a single member of hardcore band The Hammer and Nail has figured out how to operate the tub-shower unit in their host’s…