Jonah Nink
•
Woah, woah, woah. Anchors down. Full stop. Just because I have mutton chops and happen to be standing on a…
Read More →
Patrick Coyne
•
BALLARD RESIDENCE — A disturbing and highly scientific new study has found that I, Gary Ballard, the extremely parched breadwinner…
Read More →
Michael Luis
•
KINGSTON FALLS, N.Y. — An ominous record store employee reportedly warned customers yesterday that the new Mogwai album should not…
Read More →
Meg Scanlon
•
LOS ANGELES — A years-long study by scientists at UCLA has proved once and for all that drinking eight glasses…
Read More →
Dan Rice
•
PORTLAND, Maine — Poland Spring executives announced yesterday that they will re-release their flagship, original recipe water for the first…
Read More →
Bobby Korec
•
PATCHOGUE, N.Y. — Local inebriated man Kevin Donaghue drank a few sips of water before bed moments ago in an…
Read More →
Patrick Coyne
•
LONDON — World-famous primatologist Dame Jane Goodall announced today that, after 60 years of studying chimpanzees in their native habitat,…
Read More →
Andy Holt
•
ARLINGTON, Va. — Nestlé USA announced a lawsuit against the round astronomical body orbiting Earth, claiming the mass has no…
Read More →
Dom Turek
•
WILMINGTON, Del. — Local woman Kelly Cruz’s recent unemployment status has her overwatered houseplants praying she finds a job before…
Read More →
Issa Diao
•
BRAUNAU AM INN, AUSTRIA — Fort Wayne, Ind. police officer Audrey Winnet traveled back in time last week to a…
Read More →
