JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Local nu metal fan, and proud American, Gary Buski says everything he does in life is in pursuit of nookie and to…
HADDONFIELD, Ill. — The National Rifle Association rushed to Michael Myers’ defense today after the famed “Halloween” slasher started killing his victims with an AR-15…
TACOMA, Wash. — Local man Blake Crawford was reportedly heartbroken while attending his 20-year high school reunion after coming to the realization that the once…
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk Andrew Snee recently spent an entire weekend binge-watching well-known crime drama “Law and Order: SVU” free of the guilt of cheering…
Montana Governor Greg Gianforte signed a bill that will ban the use of TikTok across the state, which is the most extreme restriction of the…
WASHINGTON — The United States of America picked up another twenty seasons of Forever War, according to a speech from President Biden last night. “Initially,…
CINCINNATI — Your Mom is wondering if you’ll be home for her annual 4th of July barbecue, or if you’ll be too busy with this…
SANDUSKY, Ohio — Local punk Curtis “Copkiller” Richards reportedly ceased his habit of constant slander against the United States while enjoying a few kosher beef…
FORT MEADE, Md. — U.S. National Security Agent Dan Briggs mentally prepared himself for another four minutes of unadulterated sing-alongs today after watching Lynn Lozano…
SHANGHAI — One scene in the well-received Chinese film Guardians of the North is being called out for pandering to American audiences due to the…
DAYTON, Ohio — The United States of America was embarrassed to admit it accidentally double-booked two mass shootings within 24 hours of each other, sources…
TOKYO — Tokyo Metropolitan Shinjuku High School student Ayano Ishii plans to move to the United States directly after graduation, sources close to the teen…
Colin Kaepernick is giving a voice to us fellow Americans who have, up until this point, gone unheard. For too long our national anthem has…
DALLAS — Former President George W. Bush completed a series of paintings this week honoring heroic scene veterans from various punk and hardcore communities around…
SAN DIEGO — 19-year-old punk Macy Sanders created a firestorm of controversy when she reportedly refused to stand during Pennywise’s performance of fan favorite “Bro…