Rob Ryder
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OSLO, Norway — Physicists at the Goering Institute of Hardcore Physics recently discovered a new form of toilet paper thinner…
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Zachary Wolf
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RAPID CITY, S.D. — Local punk venue The Pukebox has somehow invented the world’s first “no-ply” toilet paper as a…
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Chester Stillwater
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WHEELING, W. VA — Aging punk roommate Dennis “Onion” Wilkins ritualistically bequeathed the key that allows them to steal toilet…
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Dom Turek
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RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Local woman Missy Frazier is sick of being the only one of her roommates with enough common…
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John Danek
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No economist could have predicted the year toilet paper had in 2020. There were weeks-long stretches when shelves were completely…
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Patrick Coyne
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WASHINGTON — ‘90s rap-rock icon Kid Rock is currently having a full blown panic attack after “dropping a major league…
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Zach Russell
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NEW YORK — Local man David Treyborn realized today, while testing the flow of the new bidet attachment he purchased…
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Dan Rice
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When coronavirus first reared it’s ugly, highly-contagious head, you panicked and started hoarding as many home essentials as you could…
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Louie Aronowitz
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BROOKLYN — Local roommate Will Sanders surprised his housemates yesterday when he finally bought toilet paper for the first time…
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