Local Dad Matt Fredricksen was recently busted for eating all the Uncrustables at his daughter Kayla’s 5th birthday. Naturally, Matt’s antics have left the people…
Are you someone who thinks your life can’t get any worse? Did you hijack a parade float and drive it 120 on the highway, then…
Life comes at you fast sometimes. One day you’re a middle manager at your dad’s accounting firm with a nice condo and a serious girlfriend,…
CHICAGO — Local recovering alcoholic Patrick Tolleridge is now expressing deep remorse for his past jukebox selections since getting sober, according to sources. “When I…
This is getting ridiculous. When I attended my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, I thought it would be a cool bunch of people swapping stories about…
LOS ANGELES — A survey of celebrities in the most elite rehabilitation facilities throughout greater Los Angeles showed 40% of respondents considered appearing on James…
GLEN HEAD, N.Y. — 30-year-old Melissa Crawford made her long awaited debut as the family drunken mess at her cousin’s Great Gatsby themed wedding this…
SCHAUMBURG, Ill. — Self-proclaimed author of the next great American novel Frank Trotsky recently came to the terrible realization that his “rock bottom” was going…
BOSTON — Local straight edger Alana Enders’ depression ostensibly reached a new low when she told the bartender at White Horse Tavern to “leave the…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Chronically unemployed man and frequent HPV spreader Danny Feldman is completely unaware that his last three girlfriends all consider dating him to…