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Opinion: It’s Strange That Everyone Here Remembers What They Were Doing on 9/11, but Nobody Can Tell Me Where They Were When My Dirtbike Was Stolen

Opinion: It’s Strange That Everyone Here Remembers What They Were Doing on 9/11, but Nobody Can Tell Me Where They Were When My Dirtbike Was Stolen

By Tim Sheard

The human brain is a truly remarkable piece of matter. From this seemingly unthinking collection of tissues and proteins emerges an inexplicably powerful force that…

Toddlers Go On Strike After Dino-Shaped Chicken Nugget Recall

Toddlers Go On Strike After Dino-Shaped Chicken Nugget Recall

By Dan Bookbinder

SPRINGDALE, Ark. — The Department of Agriculture’s recall of 30,000 pounds of dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets led to an official toddler dining room walkout nationwide, confirmed…

Fender Recalls New Guitar That Moans While Being Tuned

Fender Recalls New Guitar That Moans While Being Tuned

By Jonah Nink

SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. — Fender recalled a new line of guitars and basses that moan, grunt and scream while being tuned after weeks of constant complaints…

FDA Issues Recall of 300 Tons of Raw Denim

FDA Issues Recall of 300 Tons of Raw Denim

By Steven Kowalski

NEW YORK — The U.S. Food and Drug Administration recalled nearly 300 tons of raw denim earlier today after multiple reports from hipsters, fashionistas, and…

Massive Recall Issued for Ineffective “COEXIST” Bumper Stickers

Massive Recall Issued for Ineffective “COEXIST” Bumper Stickers

By Daniel Louis

WASHINGTON — The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration will recall over 550,000 units of the popular “COEXIST” bumper sticker due to an ineffective and unsustainable…