Patrick Coyne
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CARBONDALE, Ill. — Tired wife Ruby McDermott was reportedly “not in the mood” for sexual activity this evening, instead asking…
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James Knapp
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RUTLAND, Vt. — Local eco-douchebag Morgan Lence is reportedly living a completely vegan lifestyle, despite his claim to be a…
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Cory Cousins
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DALLAS — Patients at Dallas General Hospital learned yesterday that Dr. Graham Alder, one of the facility’s most trusted surgeons,…
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Gary Doyle
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CHICAGO — Local pervert Tommy Webster was surprised to discover yesterday a band named after mannequin pussy, his favorite fetish…
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Andrew Murphy
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BOSTON — A landmark study by a rowdy crew of sloshed scientists at the Harvard School of Drunk Studies have…
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Dan Rice
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Today we all know Charles Schulz as the creator of the Peanuts comic strip, a man who single-handedly touched the…
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Ashley Naftule
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Listen up, cinephiles: you need to stop buying Criterion Collection movies. It's nothing but a bunch of overpriced, pussified indie-foreign…
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Contributor
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MILWAUKEE — Thomas Hannigan, a 22-year-old with a family history of addiction and psychological disorder, is acting like a “complete…
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