Dear Scabby: Weed makes me shit. Drinking expensive beer also makes me shit. Should I give up? -OUT OF TP…
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AUSTIN, Texas — Local hardcore band Cheapshot’s vocalists Victoria Weiss and Anthony Byers simultaneously launched into separate, heartfelt speeches between…
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BERKELEY, Calif. — Total dumbshit motherfucker Bobby Owens attempted to start a circle pit last night during local hardcore band…
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Lauren Lavín
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May 9, 2019
RENO, Nev. — A well-worn Squier Stratocaster recently listed for sale on Craigslist is hoping its next owner will be…
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Matt Wassung
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May 9, 2019
SAN DIEGO — Self-proclaimed “punk lawyer” Kelvin Rios lost his 100th consecutive case today, due to the fact he admittedly…
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PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Cool Beanz Cafe has introduced a nightly open mic to discourage customers from remaining in the shop…
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NEW YORK — Indimus rockimus bards Titus Andronicus doth declarimus the approaching releasimus of an albumimus christened An Obelisk, according…
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PORTLAND, Ore. — Following years of research and development, the average vegan ass is approaching a similar taste and texture…
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Lauren Lavín
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May 7, 2019
STOCKTON, Calif. — A gentle reminder that Death Brain guitarist Bryant Patterson had already told the story he was about…
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WASHINGTON — Drummer Cory Adonis of sludge metal band Casket Fissure accidentally opened the biblical Seventh Seal yesterday, commencing the…
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