Punk Tag Archives - Page 552

Merch Guy Unsure Why Fan Attempting to Steal Free Sticker

Anna Walsh • May 28, 2019

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Tour manager and merch guy Danny MacDonough was confused last night when a fan attempted to…

Post-Prom Less Aggressive and More Experimental Than Prom

Mark Roebuck • May 27, 2019

DERBY, Vt. — The John Adams High School student council have launched a successful post-prom event, considered less aggressive and…

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LANDR Algorithm Sends Life-Like Excuse for Why It Can’t Attend Album Release Show

John Danek • May 27, 2019

MONTREAL — Manufacturers of online AI-driven mastering software LANDR announced a new feature today that politely declines a band’s inevitable…

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Spotify Employee Gets Raise of $0.00437

Brett McCabe • May 27, 2019

NEW YORK — Spotify project manager Diego Valenzuela received an unprecedented raise of $0.00437 today for single-handedly rebuilding the streaming…

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Historians Discover First House Show Still Hasn’t Started

James Webster • May 26, 2019

RICHMOND, Va. — Researchers and social archaeologists at Virginia Commonwealth University discovered last week that the first-ever house show scheduled…

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Man on Bus Too Disgusted by Woman Breastfeeding to Finish Masturbating

Vince Ratti • May 26, 2019

PHILADELPHIA — Local pervert David Bell could not climax this morning during his daily commute after noticing another bus rider…

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Purchase Deemed “Pretty Sick” by Guitar Center Employee

Kyle Kelly-Yahner • May 26, 2019

SAN FRANCISCO — Local Guitar Center sales associate Dan Shin deemed a customer’s routine purchase “pretty sick” earlier this week,…

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Male Feminist Mechanic Has Centerfold of Forbes’ “Most Powerful Women” Hanging on Wall

The Hard Times Staff • May 25, 2019

EUGENE, Ore. — Local mechanic and outspoken male feminist Elias Murphy finally received his copy of Forbes magazine’s “Most Powerful…

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Completely Forgotten Woman Confident Ex-Boyfriend’s New Song Is About Her

Erin McLaughlin • May 25, 2019

BOSTON — Local woman Anne Deloach is certain the first track from her ex-boyfriend’s latest EP is about her, despite…

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Bob Dylan Accidentally Covers Own Song

Cory Cousins • May 24, 2019

ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Legendary singer/songwriter Bob Dylan incorrectly introduced several of his own songs at a concert yesterday as “covers,”…

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