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Venue’s Physics-Defying Pillar Blocks View No Matter Where You Stand

DUBLIN, Calif. — A single pillar located inside the Voodoo Lounge allegedly has a physics-defying ability to block patrons’ view no matter where they stood, sources trying to get a good look at the stage confirmed.

“I tried to see Youth Punch there… and for some reason, there’s this massive pillar in the middle of the room,” complained concert goer Daniel Grant. “We figured we’d just do the old, ‘Hey, my buddy’s up there’ routine to get past it… but this thing was like the Mona Lisa — it just wouldn’t stop staring you right in the face, wherever you went. It makes no sense!”

Venue regulars have reportedly grown accustomed to the pillar’s Schrödinger-like illusion.

“Ah, that ol’ affront to the laws of science ain’t so bad,” chuckled local barfly Douglas Ryan. “I mean, yeah — I can’t remember the last time I actually saw a band in this dump, and sometimes the pillar blocks you when you’re on your way to the bathroom… but it adds character, ya know? It’s so much better than those soulless arenas with their ‘structural integrity’ and ‘safety standards.’”

For his part, venue owner John Delaney believes the pillar is just “a piece of the cosmic puzzle all of humanity is trying to solve.”

“The pillar? Man, I’m not sure it’s actually holding anything up. That thing doesn’t even appear in the building plans,” said Delaney. “Bands that play here say when they’re on stage, you can’t even see the pillar at all… so I think there’s some sort of quantum mechanical component we really don’t quite understand.”

“But nothing in the place makes any sense,” added a straight-faced Delaney. “It’s like those weird-ass stairs in Harry Potter, except our venue has way more minors than Hogwarts.”

At press time, Delaney was seen laughing to himself after giving a new bartender some posters to attach to the pillar. “That poor fucker is going to be chasing that pillar for hours,” Delaney said. “You’d think the novelty would have worn off after the first 20 or 30 times I’ve done this… but nope, still amusing.”

Photo by Kat Chish.