CENTERVILLE, Ohio — Spaceboy Records clerk and “total poser” Matthew Wright was shamefully only able to name 22 of 25 studio albums by indie-rock band…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — A climate change-fueled mass extinction event that will wipe 90 percent of the human race off the face of the earth is…
Merry autumnal equinox, fuckers! That’s right, it’s finally the time of year when the leather jacket you wore all summer is actually necessary and endless…
WASHINGTON – The Union of American Protestors voted to go on strike today, citing inadequate pay and poor working conditions, sources within the organization confirmed.…
BERKELEY, Calif – Billie Joe Armstrong, lead singer of famed rock band Green Day, claims he once had a “brief punk phase” in the early…
BALTIMORE — Audio technician Darla Buzek petitioned her co-workers and patrons at the Ram’s Head last week to stop calling her a “female sound guy,”…
PEORIA, Ill. — Infamous sophomore bully Peter Fazio has chosen to target Dane Sumner’s large facial birthmark for hazing, choosing to leave Sumner alone about…
BOSTON — Hundreds of new straight edge recruits received their standard issue black sheep tattoos this morning in a traditional Edge Day celebration, witnesses confirmed.…
WASHINGTON — Post-hardcore band Fugazi will end their 15-year hiatus with a series of shows in which they will criticize and chastise their audience in…
TAMPA, Fla. – Ellen Hayes, wife of Tampa Bay Buccaneers linebacker Ralph Hayes, marked herself “safe” on Facebook last week after a recent tropical storm,…
WESTLAKE VILLAGE, Calif. – Guitar Center announced a new policy this morning mandating five-day waiting periods for anyone wishing to buy a ukulele, effective immediately.…
VANCOUVER, British Columbia — Journalist and musician Nardwuar is nervously awaiting the nominations for the upcoming Servie Awards, friends close to the interviewer confirmed. “He…
BROOKLYN, N.Y — Polyamorous partners Holly Byrne and Amanda Bartlow pledged their never-ending commitment to one another, and to giving unrelenting, unsolicited advice to others…
PENSACOLA, Fla. — Mind Melter drummer Ryan Braddox was politely asked last night to take a photo of the rest of his band posing with…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — 26-year-old Marcus Quinn, giving the appearance of a normal Millennial man on the surface, is completely incapable of expressing emojis, confirmed…