WEST CHESTER, Pa. — “Jackass” star Johnny Knoxville followed COVID-19 hygiene guidelines yesterday by sanitizing a shopping cart before riding it downhill into an also-sanitized…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Militant renaissance man Jack White filed his 2020 tax return on vinyl in a move that’s thrilling high-fidelity taxpayers, according to sources…
NEW YORK — Local man Bryan Watson spent his 28th birthday last week quarantined from friends and family due to the COVID-19 pandemic, but didn’t…
LOS ANGELES — Axl Rose arrived six hours late today to a charity livestream event featuring a plethora of other artists performing in their homes…
HEBRON, Ky. — Longtime Amazon fulfillment center worker Jayce Sheffield will use a combination of their accrued sick and vacation hours to attend their own…
DES MOINES, Iowa — Members of longstanding nü-metal band Slipknot are facing intense criticism today for refusing to donate their signature masks to medical personnel…
WASHINGTON — A select group of centrist moderate Democrats are in talks to cooperate with COVID-19 on a path towards giving both parties what they…
SEATTLE — Punk band Knuckle Fist is being forced to give 80% of their economic stimulus check to their record label, according to perplexed sources…
TULSA, Okla. — Local Netflix viewer Trevor Doyle spent the past 24 hours frantically binge watching Martin Scorsese films to push “Project Runway” off his…
CONROE, Texas — RadioShack employee Rachel Meinke reportedly has “no fucking clue” why she’s considered an essential employee during the COVID-19 lockdown, bored and kind…
NEW YORK — Dr. Mark Miller turned down a homemade mask today that could help protect him from COVID-19 after seeing that it featured album…
DEMING, N.M. — Local insurance salesman Ben Romero was written up today for missing work for the second day in a row with no phone…
YONKERS, N.Y. — 83-year-old Judith Swanson tragically passed away last night at New York Presbyterian Hospital due to complications from a lethal hoax perpetrated by…
WASHINGTON — President Trump showcased his overflowing Easter basket earlier today after outperforming “low IQ” children during the annual Easter egg hunt on the White…
LAS VEGAS — “Undercover Boss” and Biscotti Pizza CEO Alex Prescott is pretty pissed he risked his own well-being when he asked himself to come…