SEATTLE — Local anarchist Tommy Greggors staunchly declined to answer a survey about his experience at OfficeMax, confirmed sources. “I simply refuse to let the…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Local punk Charles “Chuck” McCoy is adamant that everyone knows his hatred for hippies stems from a left-wing ideology, rather than a…
SAN MATEO, Calif. – President-elect Donald Trump announced via Truth Social his intention to remove “any and all” federal protections for the near-extinct Aquabats. “It’s…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signed a new bill that bans the word “gay” from being used in any Christmas songs past or…
WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden was reportedly startled late last night after he was unexpectedly visited by his own ghost, concerned aides confirmed. “Listen up…
WASHINGTON — In a reversal of his previous pledge not to interfere with the sentencing, President Joe Biden has pardoned Hunter Biden after an aid…
In the book of Genesis, it is said that the Babylonians endeavored to build a tower that could reach heaven. God, feeling threatened, made them…
The results of this year’s presidential election will forever stand as a moment in which America, for the second time, looked in the mirror and…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Former Florida representative Matt Gaetz informed his girlfriend Valentina he will be able to go to her 15th birthday party after ending…
Here we go again—the libs are panicking about another innocent, off-the-cuff comment from President Trump. It’s exhausting having to explain what Trump actually meant to…
WASHINGTON — The leaders of the Democratic National Committee announced they plan to learn absolutely nothing from their embarrassing loss to President-elect Donald Trump, multiple…
PEORIA, Ill. — A masked member of a local militia who was harassing people waiting in line to vote embarrassingly forgot where he left his…
PORTLAND, Maine — Local apolitical friend Bryce Flowers admitted that he is only watching the 2024 election coverage for the commercials, confirmed sources who were…
CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Lifelong Republican voter Travis Andrews remains puzzled after not being able to determine if the Nazi imagery featured in a new ad…
BUTLER, Penn. – Billionaire Elon Musk unveiled an offer of $1 million to anyone willing to sign his birthday card, sources close to the matter…