KINGSTON FALLS, N.Y. — An ominous record store employee reportedly warned customers yesterday that the new Mogwai album should not be exposed to direct sunlight,…
MILWAUKEE — Local man Jeremy Grimm’s sudden infatuation with a newly discovered band was put on hold today pending the results of a search of…
WASHINGTON — Luxury fashion designer Hugo Boss AG has been selected to create a bold, new uniform for Immigration and Customs Enforcement [ICE], the federal…
TRENTON, N.J. — Mafioso and “ordinary dry cleaners operator” Eugenio “Two-Bean Gene” Bianchi underwent an unexpected and surprising sexual awakening yesterday after receiving the kiss…
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Conestoga Distillery, the makers of popular new Vulture Rye whiskey, have disrupted the market by selling their product in the least-efficient bottle…
ATLANTA — Musician, comedian, and actor Donald Glover released a vaccine he created for COVID-19 on his website donaldpresentsthecure.com at 4 a.m. this morning and…
BLACK ROCK CITY, Nev. — Senior Amazon engineer Eddie Shipman claimed today that Burning Man, the weeklong electronic music festival held in the Nevada desert,…
CINCINNATI — Local band Circus Warfare last week took in their fourth new drummer within the past year, but have yet to name her to…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — The new “gutterhaus” subscription box service is disrupting the living-on-the-streets industry by delivering artisanal cardboard boxes to gutter punks every single…
CLEVELAND — Local hardcore band Anaheim Mighty Fucks can’t wait to introduce its “kick-ass” new drummer at the memorial show to commemorate Evan Silva, the…
TORRANCE, Calif. — Longtime punk and father Al Diaz thoroughly interrogated his teenage daughter’s new boyfriend last night about which five Black Flag songs are…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Researchers at Harvard University have concluded that 90 percent of new songs are not attempts at a legitimate musical work, but actually…
LARAMIE, Wyo. — Popular skate-punk band Teenage Bottlerocket are reportedly working on their eighth studio album, which is said to feature their second-ever song, sources…
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Local punk Corinne Reeves realized yesterday that, as the newest drummer for post-punk band Proletariat Pony, she bears an uncanny likeness to…
BOSTON — Iconic shoe company Converse announced today a limited-edition line of their famous All-Star sneakers, pre-duct taped together and scribbled on with Sharpie markers,…